| The Guide To Getting It On! Essay, Research Paper
The Guide to Getting it On!
A New and Mostly Wonderful Book About Sex
By
Paul Joannides
“The Guide to Getting it On!” is unlike any book on human sexuality that I have ever read. Not to say that I read a lot of human sexuality books, but the ones I have looked over (including the text for this class) are often bland and stagnant. “The Guide to Getting it On!” has an approach to human sexuality that is fun, witty, and extremely sensitive all in one. This 370 page book contains subjects on sex that are designed to make the reader think outside of the box (no pun intended) about their own sexuality and the sexuality of others. It is a playful look into the modern relationships of today, and an aid to couples wanting to spice up their love life. Topics discussed in this manual vary from getting naked and intercourse to sex toys and being gay in the 90’s. Practically any topic you can think of about human sexuality is covered in this book and makes for a heavy read. This book also has a section that reviews additional resources for the reader to investigate further. In the back of this book is a glossary of sex, slang and cultural-related words and their definitions.
This guide is not for the faint of heart or closed-minded. It uses several slang, and dirty words throughout the book to describe concepts of human sexuality. It even has a chapter addressing the use of dirty words and why this book has chosen to do so. While I believe that the use of dirty and slang terms generally degrades from the value of a book, “The Guide to Getting it On!” accomplishes the task tastefully and in good humor. Most of the titles of the chapters are somewhat provocative in nature, and serve to spark interest. Prudent readers will be taken aback at first glance over the book to find chapters such as ”Chapter 21: Oscillator, Generator, Vibrator, Dildo “ and ” Chapter 11: The Zen of Finger Fucking”. But upon further inspection they will find a very informative and thought provoking view of an aspect of sexuality that they may had little or no prior experience with.
Although this book does not have any photographs, it does have quite a few explicit drawings. Some of these drawings serve to visually show the reader some of the techniques that are covered in the text. Others are to show whole concepts in themselves. One such drawing is “The Goofy Dick Game – Real Penises of Real Guys” This shows 5 flaccid penises on one page and five erect ones on the next. The object is to match the two up. The whole point of this exercise is to show how the size of the soft penis does not predict the size of the erect counterpart. This was new to me because I haven’t really had any experience with *censored*s other than my own. It was cool to find out that larger soft penises often don’t get as big erections and smaller soft penises usually stretch more during an erection.
This book is actually divided into two separate sections. The first ten chapters focus on general knowledge about sex and different aspects of sex. Topics include a brief history of sex, dirty words, the importance of getting naked, on the penis, what’s inside a girl?, men’s and women’s experience of sex, orgasms and sex fluids. The dirty word chapter is about the sexual nature of dirty words. These chapters are very informative, and in a way like our textbook. They dispense lots of facts about the various biological, psychological, and social aspects of each topic. The remainder of the book is a sex manual, or a how-to. It gives lots of techniques, hints and tips on anything that is sexual in nature. Masturbation, oral sex, genital massage, intercourse, anal sex, sex toys are a few of the many more traditional topics covered.
Although “The Guide to Getting it On!” is a very complete and well thought out manual, there are a few weaknesses in the book that some readers will not like. Depending on the reader’s belief systems some will find this book annoying and obnoxious. This is due to the book’s boisterous and playful look at sex. Also some sections are clearly underdeveloped, with only limited information on the subject. This is remedied with lots of references to outside resources and how to get a hold of them. For me, a large portion of the book seemed to be biased. It is easy to tell this book was written by a heterosexual male because of some of the stereotypes that are subtly presented in this book. On such stereotype was “the majority of gay males will have sex with a hundred or more partners in their lifetime.” I have good friends of the homosexual persuasion who are very monogamous, and know they would be deeply offended by comments like these. One hundred partners.. come on!
This book has more than enough good points to over come the bad points. If you are a heterosexual that is, this book is very focused on male-female sexual relations. Although it does have several lesbian references in chapter 17: “Oral Sex: Vulvas & Honey Pots.” This is because, as the author explains, that men are not very good at explaining the way women taste and feel. I guess they just got tongue-tied. Joking aside, this book is chock full of facts, tips and general knowledge. It focuses on the all too important aspect of communication between partners. Its motto is that you can get all the sex tips in the world, but you won’t know what your partner is feeling unless you ask them. It also offers several ways to do this tactfully if your partner is shy or embarrassed about this kind of disclosure. While being a sex manual in the classic sense this book reaches beyond sex. It focuses on a psychological aspect of sex, about how sex should be shared with feelings of love and respect. That sex is not missionary position intercourse or having an orgasm. Sex can be holding your partner while they or you touch them, massage, kissing, and a plethora of other things. The author makes the point that sometimes holding hands can be much more meaningful than having sex. These aspects make “The Guide to Getting it On!” a very unique sex book.
This book has taught me several things and opened my eyes to other aspects of sexuality that I didn’t even know existed. It has literally changed some of my behaviors and beliefs about sex. Before I had more of a masculine like view on sexuality. Things like men have to be the initiators of sex. Also I had a very limited definition of sex “push, push, squirt.” I learned that there is nothing wrong with not having an orgasm during sex, or that sex doesn’t always include vaginal intercourse. In fact alternatives to intercourse such as masturbating in each other’s presence and genital massage show deep feelings of caring, trust and openness with your partner, furthering the intensity of your relationship. I have also learned to communicate more openly with my partner about sex and what feels better than other things. Besides helping my love life become more interesting, found out a lot things about myself and the opposite sex in the process.
Chapter 22, “Basic Brain Weirdness & The Mind-Body Interface” talks about shyness, one-night stands, forgiving yourself, stupid mistakes, among others. These chapters showed me how to address some of the things that had happened to me in the past. I felt especially connected with the section about being in love but out of sync. This is how someone can have very strong feelings for another, but can’t make the relationship work. This happens when one person is more settled and the other needs to experience the world. I am currently dealing with a situation like this and am comforted that others have gone through the same thing. It taught me how to handle some of my feelings of insecurity and face mistakes that I have made in the past.
Chapter 32, “Techno’Breasts & Weenie Angst” talks about how people don’t like their bodies because something is too small or too big. It was interesting to see how many men value the size of their penises and the length they will go to obtain bigger ones. It is also true in women who want breast implants or breast reductions. I also connected with this chapter because I have dated people who are insecure with their bodies. My ex-girlfriend seriously contemplated getting a breast reduction. This chapter talks about procedures to do such alterations, and how safe or effective they are. In most cases the surgery is somewhat dangerous and unnecessary.
Another interesting section of the book was dedicated to self-help. “Dyslexia of the Penis – Improving Your Sexual Hang Time,” concerns premature ejaculation. If I had only known about this in high school!! Seriously, I never knew there were so many techniques on increasing the time before ejaculation. I learned that most people try to think about something to distract them from sex to prolong their hang time. This turns out to be the wrong thing to do. Instead the person should focus on the sensations they are feeling and get to know their body better.
One section that I have mixed feelings about is “Explaining Sex to Kids.” It supports a very open and honest approach to talking to kids about sexuality starting from a very early age. This is a taboo topic to most parents, and I believe that there should be more disclosure of the subject from parents to kids. But this text takes a more extreme stance, but also makes some very important points. It encourages children to touch themselves, and for parents to tell them that it is ok to do so. This promotes a healthy respect for sexuality and an openness for the child to talk with the parent about it. But I believe there is a fine line on telling kids that sex is ok, and letting them do whatever feels good.
Overall I would recommend “The Guide to Getting it On!” to anyone who wants to learn more about heterosexual sexuality, and some of the more taboo sex topics in today’s society. A requirement for this reading is to have a sense of humor and an open-mind. (But doesn’t that apply to so many things in life?) You will find yourself questioning your views on sexuality upon finish. I have included an order form attached to the back of this review if you want to investigate further. (I got my copy at Joeseph-Beth a few semesters ago) I know that my edition is now out of date, and there is a 3rd edition available. It is 700 pages and contains more material concerning things like sex laws, and sex as you get older.
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